It felt like I was going to be sentenced; for guilt, for failing to understand what was in front of me. And a sentence for S too; a label, a life of problems that I thought he would not have to know as his brother does.
In that mood I drove to the psychologist's. S was at his worst. For the half hour of driving he repeated incessantly 2 "jokes", barely pausing for breath. I turned up the radio, I sang loudly, to stop myself from screaming at him. By the time I found a carpark we were late, and I was frazzled. S was at his worst, blocking the psych's every attempt to engage him, although she made modest progress. Pretty much everything she saw and everything I told her seemed to confirm the likelihood of AS, but the fact that he also seemed unrelaxed, combined with a conversation she'd had with the OT who feels he's probably not, meant that she couldn't be sure. And so she decided to do a full assessment in 2 weeks.
I had to do some shopping this afternoon and set out with the lowest of expectations of him, only to discover him to be enthusiastic, co-operative, and fun to be with. I feel like I am going around the twist.
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