Primo has always been physically affectionate, but his parents know that the quality of what he offers differs, in ways that we cannot always articulate, from what most people call "cuddles"; perhaps they feel more needy than "affectionate", perhaps they lack a sense of reciprocity. Recently, couple of times, I have been interacting with him and he has cheerfully thrown his arms round my neck spontaneously. I have responded by gently placing my arms around his waist. He has looked at me, briefly, and I detect in his eyes slight surprise and also pleasure. I hold the pose for a few seconds, probably not even that, and force myself to let go before it becomes problematic. To me, these two instances have seemed to be real, reciprocal acts of affection.
I can't be certain if I'm right, and I can explain to very few people why the distinction matters. But it does matter enormously. I've been delving into the work of Stanley Greenspan again, renewing my knowledge of his theory about the inability of infants with ASD to connect emotions, intentions and motor functions, and how possible it is that much of what is considered to be "autism" is in fact the child as rudderless ship, having sailed off course, but not fundamentally, irretrievably lost; some can be guided back. If this new Cuddle is a more integrated physical and emotional expression on my son's part, it's a very, very important capacity that he has developed.
Oh, and did I mention that for me, it was sublime!
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